BDSM Power Exchange: What Makes Great Power Exchanges?

Topping from the bottom erodes the BDSM power exchange

BDSM power exchange is one of the top reasons many people enjoy BDSM. Being a Dominant is about having confidence and faith in My craft. It means acknowledging My instincts. It also means examining whether or not a BDSM power exchange is pure. W/we hear about “topping from the bottom”. Some hate the usage of this phrase. Others believe it’s necessary. I try to use it conscientiously.

Topping from the bottom can be a definite cause for concern. It's valid for a Domme to stop a scene or even stop a relationship altogether with a sub. There are instances where subs actually manipulate Dominants. Submissives who behave this way can even violate a Domme’s limits. Unhealthy behaviors can stem from either side of the D/s pair.

Trust and Submission

Aside from manipulative or coercive scenarios,  I’ve heard the phrase tossed around carelessly. An example can include a Domme getting insulter that a sub won't submit to them. They deem this sub as "no good" and use the term to raise their own ego. How pathetic. For any submissives (and switches), this has happened to, you have My sentiments. As many have said before: “Submission must be earned.” This shows an important reason why topping from the bottom often occurs. A  submissive doesn’t always trust their Dominant.

Staying Genuine

Reasons for lack of trust are always valid and should be examined for anyone playing.  Trust your gut! It may sound like a cliche but it's true. The more I trust My gut, the better off I am. This means turning down sessions with subs I feel might not be compatible with Me. I’ve returned deposits for potential sessions if I had reason to believe a sub and I would not be compatible.

Compatibility includes shared values, perspectives, and goals. It includes chemistry which involves styles of play.

Compatibility includes shared values, perspectives, and goals. It includes chemistry which involves styles of play. Some practitioners prefer playing with more verbal people as opposed to quiet ones. Trust is built upon shared values, respect, and good vibes! Stay genuine! The more genuine I remain, the more compatible the subs are who approach Me. By staying genuine, power is harmonious on both sides of the power exchange. The concept of both sides having power may seem paradoxical. But the power on both sides calls for equality like yin and yang, balancing into one complementary entity.

Training strong submissives and slaves

My intention is to train strong submissives. I want you to embrace your unique abilities and expressions of worship. I want you to explore your limits honestly. This means being in touch with yourself firstly. Secondly, you are in touch with Me. And yes, I said I come second in this. Does it seem like I’m going against the grain as a Domme? No way. Release yourself from cliches or cheeky FemDom phrases that penetrate your mind. Some phrases are paradoxical as the nature of D/s can be. The old saying is true. "You can’t love others until you love yourself.” When W/we strive to develop and maintain a solid foundation within W/we can also have fantastic scenes with O/others.

Safe words exist for a reason. They call for respect by all practitioners.

 

Checking in with yourself

It is important to check in with how W/we feel during a scene. As a Domme, I check in with My subs as well, examining how far I can take them. It is in your power to use a safe word when you feel necessary. It can be a challenge for some masochists to use safe words. At the end of the day, no proper Domme wants to hear that you feel your limits were violated. Safe words exist for a reason. They call for respect by all practitioners. Negotiation is a top priority in BDSM play.

Honesty, good communication, and consent are the foundations

You may not remember to check in with yourself. This is why I make it part of My responsibility to check in with you. I do not let My submissives off the hook though. Yet, part of My role as a Dominant is to be your Guide. Especially if you’ve entered sub-space. Honesty, good communication, and consent are the foundations of healthy BDSM & kink experiences.  This applies to all relationships. Without these foundations, there’s nothing of real substance to the shared experience!

The identities in the BDSM Universe are abundant. Unfortunately, some have not gotten the appreciation for all their uniqueness.

Not everyone who serves Me identifies as a submissive. I give many fetishists the opportunity to serve Me. For example, several leg fetishists have worshiped Me as their Goddess. I am able to control a fetishist. Their fetish makes them weak. See... Even fetishists experience power exchange! What is necessary to serve Me is respect and willingness to explore the power exchange.

The identities in the BDSM Universe are abundant. Unfortunately, some have not gotten the appreciation for all their uniqueness. Stereotypes imposed on all BDSM identities. I can’t stress enough how much this annoys Me as a pro-Dominatrix. O/our kinks, fetishes, and styles are not stereotypes. The purity of O/our intentions should be there.

My Goals as a Dominatrix: Pure BDSM Power Exchange

My goal is to stay true to My values and continue to have open communication and understanding. Another priority is to guide identities as they explore the purity of the BDSM power exchange. I want My submissives to explore in their own unique way. Another goal is to allow identities to float in sub-space. And on that note, I will later link you into My subsequent blog about sub-space and the art of Flow in Domination.

~Mistress Pomf